Mom's talk on Compassionate Service

I recently read this scripture: Helaman 5:6-7

"I have given unto you the names of our first parents who came out of the land of Jerusalem; and this I have done that when you remember your names ye may remember them; and when ye remember them ye may remember their works; and when ye remember their works ye may know how that it is said, and also written, that they were good. Therefore, my sons, I would that ye should do that which is good, that it may be said of you, and also written, even as it has been said and written of them."

Reading that reminded me of my parents because my middle name is a combo of their two names. I hope I can be 'good' like them too. That reminded me of this letter my mom sent me in March 1988 which included the talk found below. Mom didn't really keep much of a journal. I'm glad I have this little bit of her. When I read it, I can hear her saying it.

Mom's talk on Compassionate Service:

Concerning the baptism covenant, The prophet Alma taught that it is incumbent upon those desiring baptism to be “willing to bear on another’s burdens…, mourn with those that mourn…, comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life.” Mosiah 18:8 –willing to bear on another’s burdens – Mourn with those that mourn – comfort those that stand in need of comfort—

Another way to express this concept is charity – the pure love of Christ, that is, loving and caring as Christ would love and care. President Romney expressed it this way in the 1977 Welfare Session of Gen. Conf. “Consecration is the giving of one’s time, talents, and means to care for those in need, whether spiritually or temporally.” Speaking from the point of view of a woman, these concepts usually come to fruition in actions called “Compassionate Service”, usually within the framework of Visiting Teaching.

When President Kaufman asked me to speak, I immediately burst into tears. He said, “Sister Busby, if it really bothers you to speak, we’ll see about…” I said, it’s not speaking, it’s the subject—COMPASSIONATE SERVICE!” It is difficult to speak of things tender to the heart.

I have divided my thoughts into 3 categories which I have given “light-hearted” titles, hoping that this would keep me from weeping – I’m not sure it will help.

1^st THERE ARE PLENTY OF GOLD STARS FOR EVERYONE

2^nd DELAYED REACTION

3^rd WHO’S THE BOSS HERE, ANYWAY?

While the experiences I will relate may be similar to your own, my purpose is to remind you of your experiences and the feelings you felt, in order to raise your awareness of and commitment to Compassionate Service.

1^st – THERE ARE PLENTY OF GOLD STARS FOR EVERONE. You might define the term Gold Stars as “warm fuzzies”. Or “positive feedback”. I prefer the definition found in 2 Nephi 2:25, as Lehi taught that “…men are that they might have JOY”. Gold Stars will mean JOY. I will relate some instances, used by permission.

Fifteen year old Terry joined the church in Vermont. After a short period she became inactive. Time passed and she moved to Connecticut and became the mother of 3 children. The last child born was 18 months of age, though large and robust appearing, was born with Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. He required constant monitoring – 24 hours a day, to make sure he was still breathing. She, herself, had several serious health problems. Her family was unable or unwilling to help her. When the baby was a few months old, Gloria was assigned as her Visiting Teacher. She assessed the situation and spent much time caring for the children and home, seeing that the mother received needed rest and moral support. She became not only a friend but like a mother. During this time, Terry underwent serious cancer surgery, at which time, other RS sisters also provided help.

Terry is coming back to Church and this past Sunday bore her testimony to the JOY she feels in returning to the fold and of the love she feels for each member of the Ward. She feels strength from them as she is receiving opposition to her determination to tread the sometimes difficult road back.

I asked Gloria, “How do you FEEL about what’s happening?” “I’m thrilled. I’m happy, she’s like one of my own children.” Gold Stars! Joy! There’s plenty here.

I have been visiting teaching over 30 years and have seldom been involved in the kind of colossal effort just described, but I firmly believe that the faithful consistent visits by sisters made month in and month out year by year are of equal magnitude. My mother was this kind of visiting teacher for 70 years until she became incapacitated recently. She would always invite every sister to come out, and I learned from her.

A couple of years ago Barbara’s records were sent to our ward. After some difficulty, we found her living downtown and up 2 flights of stairs above a Laundromat. At first, she was hesitant to have us come and difficult to make appointments with. When it got toward the end of the month, I would just drop in, sometimes with a loaf of bread, a pot of soup, or once, a birthday cake. I received this note from her – “Sister Busby, I just wanted to drop you a note to say how nice it was to see you and your daughter last night. Your daughter seems very nice. Thank you so much for the lovely cake. You gave it to me at the right time. It really helped to boost my spirits. Thank you for making my day complete. Love, Barbara” Gold Stars!

As we became friends, I found out more about Barbara. She joined the Church as a young adult and married in the temple, but her husband died of Parkinson’s disease and she moved here to live with her mother & brother, whom she helps support. She has an artificial leg, and other health problems, rides the bus to work in New Haven every day, climbing those 2 flights of stairs each time. She is such a good example of so many principles taught in the Visiting Teaching messages – caring for her family, being content, living within her means, being concerned for others. I am humbled and it is a joy to teach her. Taking a cue from my mother, each month we invited Barbara to attend Church with us, but she would say that her health was poor or that she was not ready to come back yet. Last fall while I was out of town, Sister Cousins, my RS president, visited her and not only committed her to attend Church, but also challenged her to get ready to return to the temple. Rides were arranged and Barbara began to come out. Now Barbara not only brings herself, but is offering rides to others. She missed a few times and when I called, she said, “I’ve been sick, but I’ll be back. My Bible is bulging with my tithing money. I am determined to be a full tithe payer.” I said, “Barbara, How do you feel about it?” “I feel GOOD.” “How do you feel about being back at Church?” “I feel GOOD. Before you came I thought the Church had forgotten about me.” Barbara is feeling JOY and because she is, I am feeling JOY too.

2^nd DELAYED REACTION – Sometimes it takes a while to see results. In California, we lived on a cul de sac. One day Glenna and her family moved in. After a while we learned that Glenna was one of those “Utah Mormons”. She let me know that she had become alienated from her parents and from the Church. I listened. Their records came to the Ward and visiting teachers were assigned. She would not let them in and a new teacher was assigned – me. She let me in, I listened. She was critical of everything – her husband, the schools, the neighbors. I listened & came to understand that, most of all, she was unhappy with herself. She would come over to visit and I began to call Glenna “My other church job” as we averaged about an hour a day. At some time they had been active enough for her husband, Frank, to join, but she had no such intentions for her 2 boys. I was Primary President and finally got Glenna to bring the boys to Primary but something rubbed her wrong, and it didn’t last long. In the wee hours one night, Frank called to see if I could come stay with the boys. The ambulance was coming. Glenna had tried to take her life. Glenna survived. I listened. And things continued much the same. Then Frank was transferred and they moved. Some years later I got a letter thanking me for all the time, listening and example of Church activity, crediting this for their present activity. Frank & Glenna were preparing for the temple, the boys were baptized & the older one was attending seminary, using the Book of Mormon I had given them one Christmas. I was astounded, partly out of surprise, but mostly because I didn’t feel that I had done that much. It was certainly a case of delayed reaction.

When I was taking my mother visiting teaching, Nada was in her district. She was married to a non-member and had no interest in the Church, but each month my mother would invite her to RS. I was younger then and less wise and would say, “Why do you keep asking? She’s never going to come. Then I moved away. Later I visited and a woman came up to me. “Do you remember me? You used to bring your mother to visit me. Because of her visits, I am active.” Joy was on her face. The next time I came, her husband was not only a member, but also in the Elders Quorum presidency.

3^rd WHO’S THE BOSS HERE, ANYWAY? – I have a friend who was visiting teacher to a young mother of 5 children, 4 of them preschoolers. As my friend visited her, she found that the woman had no transportation when she needed to go to the market or the doctors. She lacked the skills to discipline her children or to budget the family’s resources. My friend spent much time with the mother and children, providing needed transportation, as well as trying to teach her such things as: You don’t buy teddy bears and candy bars for the children every time you go to the market. You do make a list so you don’t impulse buy. She showed her step by step, how to prepare nutritious economical meals instead of pre-prepared packages. Through the VT messages and other means, she instructed her in needed parenting skills and encouraged her to attend Church. At the end of a couple of years, my friend was released. After her great efforts, she could see absolutely no change or progress. While this may be a case of delayed reaction, there also may never be a change.

In the 2^nd chapter of Mosiah, King Benjamin used his own example to teach the principle of service. He said, “I do not desire to boast, for I have only been in the service of God. And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God.” I submit to you that even though we may see no progress, or, though we may even be rejected by those whom we visit, the value of our offering on the altar is not diminished, nor is the necessity of our making that offering diminished.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t always serve with the pure love of Christ. Sometimes it’s just because there’s a job to do, sometimes with grumbling and muttering. When I am climbing up those 2 flights of stairs and my knees are hurting, it helps to know that I am in the employ of my Father in Heaven and His Son and that they want the sister at the top of the stairs to know that they love her, the Church has not forgotten her, and her visiting Teachers love her.

There are “How To” books on every imaginable subject. We also have “How To” resources and we need to become acquainted with them: the scriptures, the Prophet, Church publications and our own local leaders. My RS President advised us to pray about our sisters by name and about their particular problems. This has made me more sensitive to my sister’s needs, as well as being a blessing in their lives. I know prayers are answered.

Brothers and Sisters, Compassionate Service brings JOY to the giver and the receiver. Sometimes the reaction may be delayed. We should remember, we are in the service of our God. I bear this testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Other examples: (not used in the talk)

One late evening, the Bishop called and asked me to go up to the next street to Sister B’s house. I said, What’s happened? What’s wrong?” He said, “Just go. She needs you.” When I arrived, I found Sister B, who was pregnant, distraught and ill after receiving news that her husband had been arrested on a charge that was a complete surprise and horror to her. She needed someone to listen and comfort her as she worked over her dilemma in her mind. I stayed until the Bishop was able to get her husband released & they returned. Subsequently, because of the nature of the charge, her husband lost his job, and she had to go to work. I was able to babysit for her the rest of the year at no charge while she tried to pull her life together. I must pay tribute to the ward members, who were accepting of Brother B and the family. I never heard one word of gossip, nor did I relate to others the nature of that evening. Some years later, the family is still together, and Brother and Sister B are very active in the same ward.

There was an elderly blind widow in our ward. Her VT was most solicitous of her welfare. She saw that the sister received the scriptures and other books in braille. She called her often, as she lived alone. If the VT could not pick her up for Church, she arranged for other ward members to do so. As the sister could not sit for 3 hours this meant extra trips. The VT wanted her blind friend to have the blessings of the temple. She and the Bishop (Dad) worked with her and the VT drove her, the bishop, and other friends to Washington DC and stayed with her and comforted her after the long ride. The next morning it was a joy to assist her through the endowment session and then to be sealed to her husband. (The VT was, at the time, the stake RS President and it would have been easy to say she was too involved to give this kind of service, but she was a truly compassionate woman, who took time to serve as a humble Visiting Teacher.) Later, when the blind sister died, her VT was out of town and I was asked to help dress her body in the robes of the temple. As I joined 2 others, we had a prayer and felt great joy in being able to perform this last service for this good sister. It was a very spiritual experience.